When it comes to crafting, sometimes it can be a little difficult and stressful, and sometimes it can be so easy that a hungover stupid version of yourself could do it. This one TOTALLY falls into the latter category.

One of the first things I learned about Greg (other than when he was 7 or 8 he met George Clooney – “Are the buggin’ ya!”) is that he is VERY connected to his home roots in Cincinnati. Not just Cincinnati but all things connected to it. The Reds, the Bengals (Who Dey!), and most importantly, Skyline Chili. Skyline Chili – which automatically gives you the poops but they just keep coming back. Skyline Chili – which fills the air with scent of B.O and 3 way. Skyline Chili – I honestly don’t get it. But do you know what I DO get? What I love and look forward to in the care packages Greg’s Mom sends? Skyline Chili hot sauce - the most delicious and purest of hot sauce! Red tabasco peppers, cayenne peppers, distilled vinegar, and some random chemical sounding ingredients.

To make Greg Skyline Chili from scratch would have been expensive and time consuming, but hot sauce – hot sauce I could do! Until I realized that Fresh Direct didn’t have the peppers I needed. So see below for a different kind of hot sauce. One made with love and too much alcohol from the night before.

Ingredients (or more like a loose list of stuff – feel free to experiment!)

20-ish Thai Chili Peppers
4-5 Habanero Peppers
3-4 Jalapeno Peppers
1 Onion
4 cloves of garlic
2 cups water
1-2 cups distilled white vinegar
1 teaspoon cayenne powder
1 teaspoon ancho chili powder
1 tablespoon honey (optional - also optional is to use spicy honey)
S&P
rubber gloves (optional)
face mask (NOT AT ALL OPTIONAL)

Instructions

1. Clean and chop

Roughly chop all of your peppers, onions, and garlic. It is ok to be a little lazy here because it is all going into the food processor anyway. I would highly recommend wearing sanitize gloves during this process - shit gets SPICY

2. Ventilate!

In a heated large pot (Emiril suggests a non-reactive one) add everything you just chopped. Saute for about 3 minutes Now, and I CAN NOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH, make sure your space is properly ventilated. Like open every window and turn on every fan. Greg and I had to go into the other room while I hoped I wasn't burning down the place. It gets in your throat, your eyes, EVERYWHERE!

Once you have survived those 3 minutes, add 2 cups of water and let simmer for 20 minutes. Again, keep your space ventilated! Maybe try to do this outside and away from any kind of civilization? Let mixture cool down to room temperature.

*While you wait, it might be a good idea to sterilize your jars. Here are directions from the National Center for Home Food Preservation (who knew that existed, huh?)

this photo is so horrible because I couldn't breathe.  the things I do for you — this photo is so horrible because I couldn't breathe. the things I do for you

3. Let's get saucy!

Set up your station for what will potentially be a messy situation. Look how clean mine was at first! Put cooled mixture into food processor and pulse/leave on for about 15 seconds or until it turns into a paste. Then, slowly, start adding a cup of vinegar from the top nozzle of the processor. This is a good time to do a quick taste test - with caution!! In my taste test I learned that although the sauce was delicious, it was also excessively spicy. Like Holy mother fuck what have I done spicy! After a desperate google search on how to make hot sauce less spicy, I decided to add another cup of vinegar and 1 tablespoon of honey. This made it spicy, but more of the holy fuck I feel alive spicy. And that I can live with!

When the flavor feels right, strain it with a fine mesh. I had decided to do use a measuring up so that my pouring would be easy but this left very little room for failure/cleanliness. I had also decided to ask Greg to help me because two hungover people are equal to not even half of a real person.

* I saved the leftover mush as marinade for some chicken breast which I cooked in butter and then de-glazed the pot with orange juice. It was dope to say the least

4. Bottle me up!

Pour the liquid mixture into a sanitized bottle with an air tight lid. Store for 2 weeks prior to using. That simple! You can now brag about the awesome hot sauce you made (while hungover) while you put it on your morning after eggs!

Thanks and I hope you enjoy!

As I sit here trying to figure out what to write, Greg is deep diving on his laptop. For as long as I have known him, Greg has always had a deep connection to this machine. It is always with him, whether he is in the bathroom or on the go. Yet, despite this addiction, to protect his laptop he uses the foam packaging it came with. The idea to make him a laptop sleeve came quickly and easily. The execution, however, was not as successful. Read below to make one yourself!

Supplies

cutting board
rotary blade
fabric squares - (11) 8" x 8" squares

About the fabric:

As an interior designer I have access to fantastic samples and raw materials which I regularly craft with. I was able to snag some of these awesome samples from the Maharam Kvadrat Waterborn collection. Because I can be a lazy crafter, I decided to take advantage of the suede look and feel of this upholstery fabric by keeping the edges raw and unfinished. To recreate this for yourself look for a felt of suede.

Instructions

1. Color Blocking

TBH, when I collected these samples I really didn't have a plan as to what this thing would actually look like. What I did know is that I wanted it to be easy . . but you know, still nice.

Finally, the seemingly simple idea came to me! "Maximize the usable fabric of the sample and use the scraps to make a stripe", I said to myself as I went to the fridge to grab a beer that wasn't there because we drank them all the night before (already off to a good start). You see, the white tag on the sample is actually glued to it; which makes it unusable. To see pictures of what I am talking about, go to 2. Cut, Cut, Cut Away!

2. Cut, Cut, Cut Away!

Oh, hello! Thanks for joining me here in 2. Cut, Cut, Cut Away! In this section we will be talking about cutting fabric. but before I get to that, some housekeeping!

I may or may not have forgotten to tell you to measure the laptop which will live in this sleeve. OOPS! Greg's measures roughly 15" x 11" with the thickness of no more than .5". In theory I designed a sleeve to have a finished dimension of 16' x 12" to allow for a little wiggle room. In reality I did no such thing

ALSO, see the diagram (or photo as it is often referred to) below for code and dimensions of the pieces which will need to be cut to make this project. Keep in mind that not only do these dimensions already include 1/4" seam allowance, but also reflect what I actually crafted (which is over sized). Adjust as needed!

Ok, so where was I? Ahh, yes, cutting and maximizing the sample! So very very efficient, no? First, using a ruler and rotary blade, I cut off the strip which has the glued on tag. Continue by taking the scrap piece and cutting the tag off again. Congrats! You now have 1 large piece and a scrap piece! Now do the same thing 10 more times!

*Since the yellow is my accent piece, I continued to cut equal strips from the sample.

3. Sewn Away

Before diving knee deep into the sewing portion, layout all of your pieces to get one last look at your creation. Oh, and if you plan on sewing this project at a later time it might be a good idea to take photos and tag the back of each piece.

Ok, so I guess we should start? I'm going to ease us into it by starting with the flap (the L series). First, with finished sides facing each other, sew together the stripe (pieces L3 & L4). Finish off this seam by doing a french stitch by sewing a line which connects the seam to the face. We will be doing this for almost every seam, so get used to it. Or no dessert for you! Wait, what?

With your L3/L4 stripe finished, line up (finished sides facing each other) to L1 while trying to keep the stripe centered (see image). Sew together and finish with the french stitch. To finish the flap, repeat this step by adding L2. Cut off the excess scraps and voila, you have a flap!

*fyi, upholstery fabrics tend to be much thicker than fashion or quilting fabrics. It might be a good idea to switch out the needle in your sewing machine to something a bit more heavy duty.

There is still no beer in the fridge and it is a little too early for rum, so let's continue by focusing on the back (B series). The directions are similar to the flap (1/4" seam, french stitch, line up pieces with finished sides facing each other etc) so this should be a breeze!

Assemble the stripe first by sewing together B5, B6, and B7. Then, sew together B1 and B2. Line up the B5/B6/B7 stripe to B1/B2, trying to keep the accent piece somewhat centered. Repeat this step with B3 and B4. Trim off the excess scraps and you have got yourself a back. Baby got back!

Repeat with front face 'cuz you a mother fucking boss!

I think that we got a lot done here, so go ahead and pour yourself that rum drink. Tastes good, doesn't it?

Now let's finish this thing. With finished side facing each other, line up the flap to the back face. Sew together and finish with a french stitch

flap attached and finished with french seam

Repeat by lining up finished side of front piece to back piece and sew together. No need to finish with a french seam here but go ahead if you are ambitious and not tipsy.

Now, with unfinished sides facing each other (or how the finishes product will look/work) line up and begin sewing together, preferably with one long stitch. Start in the bottom corner where the front and back pieces meet and take it up towards the flap. The stitch should end at the opposite corner.

Since we left the edges raw and unfinished, go ahead and trim if things don't line up quite right. No one will know!

And there you have it! Slightly tipsy (per all my crafts) and a little tired, but super happy and proud to have hand made this gift. Sure, it might be too big for his laptop and the seams are kind of wonky. But look how good Greg looks holding the laptop sleeve! I sure am a lucky gal.

Anyway, thanks and I hope you enjoy!